


Blazing in my UFO'

by SarahZorEL



Series: Puny Humans [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 420 joke because it won't let me post my wobbly stick drawing of a 'spaced out' alien, Alien Biology, Alien Creepiness, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Invasion, Alien Politics, Alien Technology, Bad Jokes, Bets, Crack, F/F, Funny, Hysteria, Lena's Yolk, Moon cheese, Movie Night, Movie Reference, Paranoia, Sci-Fi, Television, UFOs, Wacky Situations, Xfiles, a dash of Kryptonian arrogance, doctor who - Freeform, misrepresentation, sassy kara, superfriends - Freeform, well this was random, what am I writing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-23 15:27:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13790601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahZorEL/pseuds/SarahZorEL
Summary: Kara Zor-El knew that she was different, knew that she was an 'alien' and because of that she would have a certain set of unique challenges. What she didn't expect however was that being born on slightly different hunk of rock meant that here on earth she was the equivalent of a bloody unicorn or santa clause on crack.Most of the time she could deal with the not so subtle intrigue and ignorance over other species. One thing that has annoyed her to no end however, even to the point she'd consider moving to a place like Daxam....Was Earthlings and their absolutely ridiculous obsession with the genre Sci-Fi.





	1. The Martian Way

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the opener I'm thinking I might do a bunch of specific individual chapters covering Kara's relentlessly sassy reactions to various different Sci-Fi shows, let me know if you'd be interested and what you might like to see!

**

So... Kara was ranting, arms in the air muttering to herself ranting. The gang of Superfriends only catching a string full of words as they sat frozen solid, crashing between confusion, humour and fear somewhat [Winn] as the most powerful being in all of existence and perhaps even creation crazily _raged_ about his un-wise suggestion for them to watch the movie 'Paul' _with Simon pegg in it_ on tv.

As they sat wide eyed James continued chewing on his popcorn, as Maggie clapped like a seal and Alex chugged her beer, totally not phased by Kara's inner monologue which went something along the lines of this....

_"What is it exactly with humans obsession with us aliens, I mean I've honest to Rao had ENOUGH guys! ENOUGH It's like half of you just expect me to roll around in my UFO, blazing it with the nearest red shirt called scotty… all the while your doing your own version of a spit take because I'm **also** glowing fucking green._

_I mean Expectation vs Reality! We're not that different!!!"_

That was the motto for well… the latter half of Kara Zor-Els life now that she was here on #Planet Earth because ever since her landing party, something she never quite understood about it's inhabitants were how they seemed to perceive extraterrestrials.

_You'd think the moon really was made of cheese, considering they usually look at me like I'm the one who ate the thing._

So much so that she freaks out sometimes at the way people eye her up. " _I'm serious, you all look at me like I'd be delectable mounted on your wall._   _I'm starting to think some of you might actually be considering a dissection_ -  _Roswell I'm looking at you!"_ she pointedat James his eyebrows raising along with the popcorn in his hand as Maggie howled even louder. All bemused at the utter level of hysteria and irrational paranoia being displayed.

Kara though, she understood that without the means to experiment on them so  _openly,_ normal humans instead of abducting are often quite content and happy enough to just channel those urges into trying to create their own warped versions of potential otherworldly lifeforms and no she does not mean that in the literal sense _, gods get your minds away from probing and hybridisation_. She just means that on those obnoxious looking plastic cubes and rectangles that we like to call **advanced** **technology** we somehow have a whole fucking genre named specifically after people like her SCI-FI _i'll show you some sci_ - _fi_.

Kara's certain humans are in dire need for a crash course in how **not** to offend other species. That's just incase _you actually do cause an intergalactic war of the worlds and create your own version of Independence Day_  or perhaps they need one of those hitchhiker guides to the galaxy... a book for dummies? _I don't know don't quote me I'm not from here_ and well they all ~very much~ need **every single** anatomy 101 class under the sun  _or is that over the sun… through the stars, right past the Milky Way turning right until they actually_ _find those scary bloodthirsty reptiles that they've all been looking for.… it'll blast the xenophobia right outa ya_ ’.

Turns out it was either spectacular luck or earthlings **did**  in fact get one thing right. J'onn walked in and plonked himself down partway through her ravings just to add that Martians _do_ happen to be **green** and with that she noticed his eyes twinkling and can't help but think J’onn might've actually had something to do with _that particular_ rumour circulating because no joke every time a little green man manages to pop up on the screen he gets all shifty and smirky in a not so stoic, totally not J’onn non Martian way and purposefully avoids eye contact with everyone in the room. Before he even gets a whiff of anyone trying to bring up the subject matter he proceeds to shove anything… _everything_ , basically whatever object is near him at the time into his mouth… _it was fine when it was chocos but mann’ Winns seriously gonna miss that Superman toy_.

Eyeing him suspiciously, after he ate the toy- ignoring Winn's whines in favour of letting out a huff as she swivelled her head to look at the rest of the pouts on show. They won out, all of them together almost rival hers "arrrrrgh" she plopped down next to her Martian man friend as he patted her on the head

_-he knows, even if he did happen to eat her cousin._


	2. I Want to Believe

**

By the end of the night everything had gotten a little out of hand. Breaking out the hard liquor the majority of the gang were now well beyond _tipsy_. Alex heavy on the bourbon was slurring her words trying to get a rise out of her sexy girlfriend Maggie, whilst James and Winn cheered each other on chugging beer. J'onn was happy to sit and watch as he drank Martian ale, refreshingly buzzed. For Kara however the glowing green liquid she'd decided to use to drown out her thought process only fuelled her further. Allowing her to vent the rest of that pent up rage that'd been gradually building for years as an Alien living in the US of A... thus being exposing to Hollywood and every _single_ science fiction movie with a premise that made her scream she rambled...

_"I mean okay The Martian, Gravity and Interstellar I can understand... it's human, the science is appalling but I get wanting to explore human space. It's just the way they present Aliens that's the problem and it's not even getting better I mean just look at The Arrival if that's not the definition of stereotypical I don't know what is.THEY HAVE TENTACLES!!!"_

Trying their damnedest to prove Kara wrong after J’onn interfered about Martians being green Alex joked "Don't Galins have weird tentacles instead of feet? Anyway to what you said before we could totally do that y'know- hang out in Kara’s UFO, though Maggie might arrest us for blazing and getting kinda stoned... none of us are called scotty though that's the bad thing." 

"Not if you promise I can still arrest you later babe." Maggie winked

Winn spoke up pointing out...

"Plus she could totally eat the whole moon too, if it _was_ made of cheese- now that I think about it."

Before Winn could suggest she fly up there to taste test, a huff broke them from their murmurings. One fierce kryptonian jumped up again not looking one bit amused "ITS A SPACE SHIP, NOT A UFO!" she growled glaring as the lights flickered before the X-Files theme tune played dramatically in the background eerily breaking the silence.

"Ok is it me or did that really just happen?" Winn was freaking out

"That was very alien" Alex piped up

Kara’s nostrils flared, eyes glinting as rain and thunder rippled against the windows, as if by magic the music played again...  _she was inadvertently starting to creep people out._

"Ok seriously where is that coming from?!" James fidgeted   
   
A husky rumbling of a "Swoorry" made them all turn to a guilty looking J'onn one hand on a choco another wrapped around his phone. Swallowing the last of his sweet treat he continued "M’gann called me from mars... turns out _Verizon_ go intergalactic now... trailing off as he saw the annoyed look on Kara's face.

Shaking her head at her very _alien_ friend and his use of  _very_ sci-fi related theme tune music Kara rolled her eyes "So not helping my case!" 

J'onn shrugged mumbling grumpily "I like X-Files."

Like a lightbulb had gone off inside his brain Winn jumped up furiously knocking the rest of James's popcorn across the floor.

"Hey!!!" James snarled, hugging his empty popcorn bucket to his chest before silently bursting into tears. _FYI drunk James is an emotional James._

Winn slammed his palms down before theatrically widening his eyes pressing his finger harshly to his lips "Guys guys sssssshhhhhhhhhh I have THE BEST idea for a game we can play."

 

**

 

-and thats how over the course of the next few days Kara found herself watching X-Files.

 "But Aleeeexxxx do I have too?!" Groaning 

"If you don't sit in that seat right now Kara your rent money will be covering the cost! All of this is  _your fault_ if you had shut up then maybe Winn wouldn't have thought up that ridiculous bet in the first place and bought twenty pounds of special cheese!"

"Didn't he say it cost thousands? Rao you better have a good credit card limit, your incredibly easy to convince when your drunk." As soon as that had left Kara's mouth she winced understanding she shouldn't have said anything as her hung over older sisters death glare made her shudder. 

Shutting up she turned away from a sunglasses clad Alex Danvers and braced herself for a binge watching marathon of the cult hit.   

An hour later-

"I want to believe -what exactly? I mean I'm sitting right here... mulder should know by now that I'm really not that hard to find."

Three seconds later....

"It only took him 20 years."

Two hours down the line...

"Pffft as if black goo could be sentient, who thinks of these things really and if I was THAT obsessed with exploring human anatomy do you really think I'd need to abduct people to do it?!" 

Ten minutes further...

"Human-alien hybrids, they say that like it's a bad thing- just you wait until I get Lena pregnant... that'll give you all nightmares!" 

Alex sighed... grabbing a piece of _very expensive_ moon cheese, nibbling to the sound of scully and mulder bicker on the big screen _this was going to be one hell of a week._


	3. Exterminate

**

Probably around the same time she caught Kara mumbling something about Lena having to lay eggs 'kinda like a chicken' Alex decided brain bleach was a necessity in the form of a shot for every single witty retort her sister made. She was _still_ scarred from the mental image conjured when Kara casually mentioned Lena would be 'squatting in no time at all' if the amount of sex was anything to go by. Alex cringed and proceeded to take her mind off of Lena's yolk by hopping up to switch out the DVD. Finding that X-Files was a bust she put on the next best option-  _Doctor who_.

Winn had given them a list of things to try, all in a vague attempt to figure out whether they could _actually_ find something Kara happened to like. Assuming it was pointless, Alex had taken the bet figuring there's no way in hell they'd _ever_ and she'd be claiming back the 2k from a distraught Winn along with watching Kara happily chomp on a lifetime supply of moon cheese in no time at all. 

_Just a weeks worth of Sci-Fi to get through._

So far Alex 1 - 0 Winn.

**

 

Alex almost had a heart attack when she heard Kara humming the theme tune.

"mm this is actually kinda catchy" 

Alex's breath caught in her throat as she held onto the sofa for dear life, waiting with gritted teeth for Kara to say something offensive.

 _She HAS to say something. She can't like it, I REFUSE TO LET HER LIKE IT._ _The group are recording this,_ _how the fuck am I going to cheat?!_

Soon enough the negative dollar signs stuck to the back of Alex's eyelids evaporated with Kara's "Pffft"

"The make up is so bad, I can see the _silicone"_

Relaxing, the one time she relished in Kara's venting. 

"It's a box made of wood, there's no way that'd stand up to the freezing temperature of space-  _let alone as it burns through the atmosphere."_

-David Tennant whips out his screwdriver-

"Sonic Screwdriver, that's absurd, they make that sound dirty. LOOK AT IT, I reckon Rose Tyler's had some fun with that vibrating near her coochie" 

_..._

_"_ And as if he doesn't know _that,_ we all know he knows" furiously points to the to screen "look at his creepy look... it's just too smug."

3 seconds later...

 _"_ That brown coat tells me he likes to watch, when he's not flashing members of the public"

Half an hour later...

And upon seeing the cybermen for the first time "Descended from humans- no wonder they act so dumb, Kalex would be shaking it's artificial face right about now." 

A few episodes further in...

-Exterminate, Exterminate, Exterminate- 

Kara's eyes have turned into slits as she watches the Darleks in a dark sort of fascination 

Muttering, Alex was genuinely worried for her sisters mental state as she witnesses her swing between manacle laugher and talking to herself in the third person falling into some sort of strange delirium... that's suddenly broken with "Exterminate this!!!" Proceeding to laser vision her TV set as the remote goes flying through the floor knocking out their neighbour down below as he was sat relieving himself on the toilet seat _oo crap!! Literal crap!_

**

 

Relocating to Alex's apartment, with assurances from a regretful and heartbroken Kara as to **not** destroy her TV too. During a night spent bartering with the local police force and a court order of accidental assault & battery they continue to watch Doctor Who until everything ends more disastrously than it had once begun-  _turns out_ _the show is wayyyy more accurate at depicting certain things than Alex thought._

Crying into a tub of Ben & Jerrys Alex was stuck consoling her sobbing baby sister throughout the night once she learnt of Gallifray and that 'The Doctor' was one of the last of his kind.

Alex's frankly **murderous** impulses about Winn where swirling on repeat _I'm going to choke him, until I have a goddam court order of my own._

 _Well_... hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for Reading! 
> 
> \----> Twitter: [ @SarahRAWWR15 ](https://twitter.com/SarahRAWWR15)
> 
> Tumblr : [ sarahzorel ](http://sarahzorel.tumblr.com/)


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